Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
