Umm I'm too high to move.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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