I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
