Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Who died my cat blue again?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
