Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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