remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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