He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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