A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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