I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
