How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
