i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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