Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
