its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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