the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
When are your genitals available?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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