just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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