Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
even my farts smell like vagina
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
