he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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