Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
barbara walters just said penis...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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