Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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