my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
