I think I just saw someone hide a body.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
