I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
