so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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