doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
