I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
A bitchslap is in order.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
