I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
