Got a toothbrush?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
