So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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