If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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