she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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