im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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