I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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