wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
