So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
