I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
