You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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