Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(419): View more from Ohio

mustard is like jesus in yellow tights

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(320): View more from Minnesota

For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.

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(614): View more from Ohio

He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?

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(770): View more from Georgia

Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.

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(818): View more from California

Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!

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