i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I want a musical about memes.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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