I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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