So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
