Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
