At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
