and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
