drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
