apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
