I wanna passion pit in your ass
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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