yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
