I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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