I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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