last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
