Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
